Saturday, August 18, 2012

Why do We Feel Envy or Jealousy?

Melody Fletcher of Deliberate Receiving says we feel jealousy for one of two reasons; scarcity and control and we feel envy because of our sense of unworthiness.

In either case, these feelings of jealousy or envy are triggered by someone else having something we want. 

So often we blame the other person for our feelings or situation when we really should dig deep within ourselves to find out the underlying problem causing our "negative" emotions.
  • John sells more cars than me, he makes more money, so I can't stand him.
    • Am I lacking self-confidence to (sell cars, make more money, find another job, ________)?
      • How can I improve my selling technique?
      • Can I make more money in another department?
      • Would I be happier in another job or profession?
  • Look at the way Sandy dresses.  She must spend a fortune on her hair, nails, and wardrobe.  Talk about "High Maintenance".
    • Do I have a poor self-image and think I'm ugly or too fat?
      • What top 10 things do I like most about myself?
      • What can I do to lose that extra pound or two?
      • What if I take an extra five minutes to put on a pretty pair of earrings or scarf that I haven't worn?
  • I can't trust ________ anymore.
    • Why am I insecure (lack of self-confidence + poor self-image = insecurity) about the future?
      • What do I have to lose?
      • What is the worst possible outcome?
      • If I could create my ideal future, what would it be?

You and I are good people.  We want good things to happen to other people.  We also want good things to happen to us. 

Good things will happen to us as soon as we get out of our own way.

Some might say that jealousy can be healthy and that it promotes competition.  I don't believe this theory.  I think if we feel less of a person or compare ourselves to someone else then we are needing to deal with our sense of inadequacy so that we can be happy and move to a state of appreciation.  I know that was harshly stated but I feel it is important.  Feeling jealous or envious is a choice that we make, albeit usually unconsciously.

It is impossible to smile and frown at the same time.

However, I do believe that we can learn from our emotions whether they be happy or not so happy ones such as feeling envy or jealousy.  Can't say that I've ever felt joyful over being envious.  I may not have felt joyful at the time but I sure did after turning the camera back onto me.  I guess a similar viewpoint might be when we feel smug or "better" than someone else.  Again, turn the camera around and we will see the flaw in that thinking.  The question to ask here is, "Why do I feel better or superior to that other person?"  Perhaps a twinge of inadequacy is inflating our view in this micro picture.

So, how do we "GET OVER IT"?  How do we turn off the switch to jealousy and envy?  It's easier said than done.  After all, we are human and will have an on-going daily battle.  We need to prepare and arm ourselves because the only thing that comes from these two emotions is bitterness.  You know, that scrunched up face we make when we bite into something sour, that's how our insides will look once bitterness takes hold.

There are ways we can "arm" ourselves and win the war if not the battles along the way.

  • Keep a Gratitude Journal.
  • Search deep within to find the root cause.
  • Ask, "What can I start doing now to get me where I want to be?"
  • Forgiveness.  Forgive others and forgive yourself.
  • Find a way to let go of control.

How do you deal with overcoming jealousy and envy?  Was this helpful?  Would you like to see more articles like this?  Please share your thoughts in the comments section.


P.S., Thank you, Melody, for helping me answer this tough question.  Your blog inspires me into action and really does make sense of the Law of Attraction.

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